We hope it's at the top. I've been reflecting again recently (what with head lice at our house x6 plus, then a round
of kids puking and such) about how much I need Jesus in my day. I'm spent. Worn out. But trying to let the Spirit continue to work through me to be joyful, loving, and at peace.
I am a mess without Jesus. I have to seek Him constantly to stay sane, and I'm
not saying that lightly. I really don't think I'd be okay if I wasn't seeking Him and calling on His name for help all day.
I've done the "try really hard to be a really good Christian" route and all that effort results in anxiety and fear because of
my flesh and the enemy who whispers lies in my ear about my failures. Learning to let go of self and instead let God serve my needs as my Savior has changed everything for me.
BUT, the choice to give myself over is not a one-and-done thing. I have to choose
this daily and often multiple times each day. I do this by finding quiet (usually early in the morning) to sit with Him, to pray and to read scripture and to have journal conversations with Him. It's life giving and peace bringing and I have to have it every day if at all possible.
I hope your desire is to seek Him this way too. Our relationship with God must be so much more than going to church on Sunday and praying around the dinner table. It's a constant seeking, a
continual digging, and a never-ending surrender of self.